Post by suzie101 on Dec 13, 2004 16:33:48 GMT -5
theres something that i need to get off my chest and since i dont know any of you in real life except for seraphim...this is the perfect place for me to do it..i feel. today is december 13. it has been 11 months since my father left.....im supposted to hate him.....honestly i miss him more than i could ever imagine...jeremy said that he would be worried about me if i hated him....but its so much easier to hate a person than to miss them espically when they are a parent or someone who is supposted to be close to you...whats funny is that he was never close to me.....tommarow is december 14. that is my birthday...its my 18th to be exact....thats supposted to be special and your mom should tell youabout when you were born and her labor and pregnancy and all that crap. mine cant do that. i live with my step mom and dont know my real mom. i shouldnt care about her either but i do....i get so depressed around my birthday its pathetic...every year i hope that she will come and find me...but i know that will never happen...the pathetic thing is that i know that and i refuse to let it go. i wish that i could let go but i dont know if ill ever be able to...every year on my birthday i have an emotional breakdown in my room because i dont know her....i dotn understand why neither of my parents wanted me...and im so sick of hearing that it wasnt my fault...a parent dosent jsut give up on a child...plus my father said that it was my fault that he left...my birthday is gonna suck...my friends are trying so hard to make it awesome too just because its my 18th. none of them may ever know how i really feel....u knwo it dosent really bother me that much about my mother all year its just around my birthday...and this will pass around the 20th...but my father eats at me every day...i seriously know for a fact that its retarded because we werent even close...we didnt even talk....he completley ignored me...and it made me feel like crap but when he left i didnt expect to have any regrets but u know its like my father u know.....anyways ive talked your ear off and your still reading thanks for letting me get this off my chest.....prey for me...ill be preying for all of you.
